Friday, October 31, 2003

Ok there are some days grad school is great, there are others like today. I sincerely want to find a blunt object (in the spirit of being a student a unsharpened pencil will do) and use it to gouge my eyes out. RIGHT NOW. People in our class are taking great topics and making me wish to impale my self slowly rather than talk about them. Not only do they just not get it but I want to analyze not regurgitate. It is painful to see something that I am interested in not only misrepresented by utterly mutilated.

*Over the loudspeaker*
Could the students who read everything but know nothing and find one random fact on page XXX that has no relevance what so ever to the topic at hand please report to the firing range.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Truly and honestly I want to know is why for the sake of god do I live in a part of the country not using technology. Thomas Edison invented it for people to use, not ignore. I dont think I am asking for much, just the occasional use of electricity.

You see it helps you not to hit things while driving and helps you not to step in big puddles of cold water while walking. Yes you can guess which one has happened cant you. I am firm believer that light and electricity are not bad things. (Supposedly) They have the best roads in the Union you just cant fecking see them. Cause there is no money to pay for things in this state like education, and STREET LIGHTS.

Ironically they cant use light but the slightest sign of any cold (not a debilitating one but that nice coolness that you want to enjoy as part of Fall, it is a season you know) and they turn on the heaters. Between that and women walking around, mind you while it is 80 degrees and 80%+ humidity, wearing a sweater and a fecking scarf with boots. WTF??? Me I am tooling about in my tank top skirt and sandals- and they look at me like I am the weird one.

If I needed to feel older or more freakish the possible occurences of hot flashes were just the remedy, that and the "early 90's" parties that was advertised all over campus today. For fuck's sake I was a child of the 80's I can watch the VH1 specials and remember those things- clearly remember most of them actually. The 90's were my "coming of age" decade it is bad enough they play highschool favorites during "Old School" lunches now, but this, this is too much.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Really I want to know for women how hard is it not to pee on the freaking toilet seat. The toilets at this university library are atrocious. Honestly I dont know how you pee on the seat but it was in three toilets today and well it is disgusting. wipe it off before it dries please. EWWWWW, this is especially discomfiting to enconter when one is rushing to the loo, full of liquids. I am like a camel and when I have to go I have already most likely been doing the I got to go pee-pee yeah you know me (to the OPP- Naughty by Nature tune) dance for a while. I do not want to have to go through three stalls with pee on the seat and two in which people do not flush to empty out.

After that realization I am sure the rest of my day will seem much less interesting. Getting home from DC has definitely put on the pressure. I am hitting the drive for home in this program and quite depressed as the weekend I was hoping to go home is not this but next weekend. That is TOO soon. In reality it means that my trip home may not become a reality. This has me sincerely depressed.

Thankfully the weather today made me feel like I was at home so I can smile about that. Who would have thunk it- me giddy with joyful glee at rain (more accurately sprinkles). If that wasnt funny enough for you with the light dusting of rain we had I saw crowds of sheep (and I dont mean the animal I mean the trend following mindless human kind) wearing Northface jackets (you do not need one here) and with the hood on put up an umbrella. I guess after living thorugh a Norwegian winter little will phase me but that sight well it was just funny.

Monday, October 27, 2003

I hate Mondays, and I dont really hate things in general. I hate them not only because they are Mondays but I have the shittiest of class days. It is a day that if I think about what I am paying for those two classes well... we do not want to go there. For those who have followed this blog since the beginning of this semester you should notice a trend. A really bitchy girl on Mondays who is whinging. well I am not going to whinge today. I have given up on those two classes and focused my energies elsewhere, for today those are directed at my new clothes.

Well not really so much as new as my clothes I havent seen for months, and yes I am now resigned to the fact that I am a materiaistic girl cause I havent been so excited to see my things well since I dont know when. I know I am going looneytoons when I talk to inanimate objects. This seems to be a trend at our apartment. Cecily talks to her food and I well I spent much of last night telling my clothes and books how much I missed them and how brillliant they were.

Today's weather did not cooperate with what I wanted to wear but I had so many options. I completely froze. Yup ladies and gellifish you heard right I was so overwhelmed with choice that I could not make one. Chalk up a point for indecisive girl (maybe that is the super-hero I should be for Halloween). End the end I managed at the last second to get dressed (going to class naked might have brought me a bit more attention than normal). I put all my clothes away tonight and it was wonderful and fun. Yes I know I am a disturbing person, but take comfort in the fact that I do not deny it.

I also went to a jazz class tonight. It was ok. Reminded me that I havent been in a class in a long time. Also reminded me that I am out of shape. The joys of looking in utter terror at yourself in a room full of mirrors. I had been missing that for a while in my life and I really do wish to pay extortionate amounts for that experience. The quality is ok, but nothing to shout home about and the cost is more than I would normally pay but hey it is one of my few venues of creative outlet and does provide me with some sanity. I was a bad girl today though (and a broke one- what am I thinking) I went and bought the hat I am in love with. When I am broke or dead at least I will look cute right??
You know you are really tired when you have no recognition of how you got to bed or when you went to bed. I seriously have not felt this way well since I was an undergrad. I am now back in the loop it seems. Welcome back Tink :)

I woke up with an extra hour of sleep too. Thank you daylight savings. Now I must say I am from Arizona. We do not do this shit there. None of this fall back spring forward crap. The rest of the world revolves around me (yes it does too!!!!!!!). Sucks when I have to live in the rest of the world and do this changing stuff. Not only do I change but the rest of the world does it at different times too. What whacked out guy on crack thought this scheme up.

Oh well dont look a gift horse in the mouth- it meant tonight I stayed up till 4am or 3 am depending on which clock you want to look at my body or that one on the TV. The joys of being a grad student.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

I managed some how to wake up and get on the way to breakfast this morning. Life is rough on 3 hours sleep. Went with a crowd for brunch but the main group started to go to Starbucks like they were going to eat breakfast there. I love Starbucks but not cutting it, me and Martin said hell no. Brunch has a certain meaning for me. It means eggs and french toast most specifically, generally it means that someone has cooked for me.

I found my definition of brunch at KramerBooks and was so happy. I left there stuffed to the point that even though my feet hurt I felt obliged to walk lots more. But it was nice to be in a smaller formation. I got to know more about Martin, and it was just a bit more (for lack of a better word) intimate. But in my desire to keep on with my downward weight trend and lop the feet of desires we went down to the Mall and walked around the White House, saw a protest that was interesting a kind of conglomeration but primarily anit-Iraq. Was really interesting to see as Martin is fairly right wing, but not really having ever been exposed to the other side. He was amazed that these people were passionate about it and that there were more than just looneys there. He also couldnt really find "his people" the closest he came was the anarchists, and he really wasnt comfortable with that.

Afterwards we headed back to the hotel, my feet are begging to be cut off. This is what happens every time I am in a walking city. I love to walk, but I forget to remind my feet about that and it hits them like a ton of bricks. We were stuck waiting to get our car out of the lot. The hotel we stayed at in general was ok, there were even one or two people on staff who were comptent and really helpful, but if you can choose elsewhere (instead of the the State Plaza) I would say do it.

Got on the road and after a while I took a nap and got home to one box with the others hopefully in the office. But I have jeans and sweaters so I am pretty contented. If only I could get my headache to go away. Must put feet up and try to get myself together so that I am ready to get my act together for the rest of the semester. Time is running out.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Busy busy day. First headed to the state department and met with two sincerely interesting people and a third that was eh. But it was interesting to see how approachable they were and joke about how box cutters are prohibited but not nuclear weapons. Also gave me an in potentially for a State Department/Embassy internship in Paris. The options keep expanding. This is dangerous for someone as indecisive as me.

Then we treked our asses over to the EU delegation which actually while not unnecessary was pretty dull. Went and caught the tube to the otherside of town. I love mass transportation and metro's, pure joy. Had a decent lunch and then met with an interesting person over at Information Programs. after that we went to see two congrassional offices, dull as all hell. The second one has an obnoxious tone, actually it was more offensive and chauvinistic than obnoxious.

We went into Elizabeth Dole's office and well to be polite she had a sincerely out of line Legislative Assistant and that was annoying to listen to the sexist shit. He sat there belittling the female intern who was in our briefing but said nothing and insinuating he was having some kind of sexual relationship with her. Appaling as far as I was conserned, especially in light of the guy being a slime ball politician type and hitting on me. Ick Ick Ick!!!!

After that we went out to get some food- I tried Ethiopian agian and it really isnt my style it wasnt to bad since I tried something new, and I found out that Sambussa (pastry filled with meat) werent too bad or spicy so I know can go to an Ethiopian restaurant. And for those of you who know my eating, shall we call them uniquities, that is one large step forward for my pallate. Afterwards we came back to the hotel. Hung out a bit in Matin's room and then I literally crashed with my feet up. I am walking everywhere like it is my job and my feet are not thanking me.

Friday, October 24, 2003

Today was our first day of site visits in DC. It was an "early" morning (be there at 8 am) but well worth the wake up call (three girls one shower you do the math- and I shower faster than the boys).

Our first visit was to the German Marshall Fund. I really liked Ron Asmus. He was in line with my beliefs and positions he was articulate, intelligent and gave all perspectives. He served in teh Clinton/Albright State Dept. And well was all around approachable, definitely a guy I could work for. DC does strange things to me, and this is the best example. I LIVE and feed off of DC energy, and I love it. I also love policy which is a dominant theme in town. I know I want to teach but when I am there and living it I could be happy doing policy work for a think tank or something similar and be quite happy.

Afterwards there was a break due to a rescheduling of events so I went shopping- nothing interesting and I managed to keep myself away from the interesting stores. Though I did get locked into a changing room at Ann Taylor. Was ready to monkey climb my way out but the management took all the fun out of it and opened the door. Oh well, no excitement there.

We went to the Atlantic Council for their intern lunch. Also a really good visit. Got to engage with one of the main think tank leaders who while being academic straddles the policy academic divide well. Next visit had poetntial but well the IMF was pretty useless. We had monotone man who made me want to shoot myself and I almost fell asleep twice. One of my classmates asked her superficial question and I was searching for a blunt object with which to gouge my eyes out- that would be more fun. Though it did lead to the revelation- she is a journalist they dont engage they just scratch, hence her idiotic questions.

After the visits me and my tired feet came back to the hotel and took a well deserved nap. After the nap went to the Alumni dinner, met some great people. Abby was a fount of info, Caroline was really sweet, Susan had some great info, Seth was fun (frightening as we had Nebraska in common) and David was really interesting. This program produces a motley group of interesting people I tell you.

After the dinner we went out for drinks. Which was where I actually met Seth and found out he had also lived in Sweden so he knows what I am saying when I swear. Interesting conversations abound. Over all, I had a great time. Got hit on by drunk guys even had some tall guy spin me around- and by that I mean pick me up and spin me around with out warning or permission. We sang way too much kareokee at the first bar we went too (which was a trendy dive bar basically). Jen got trashed and was really annoying (I HATEpeople who get drunk and refuse to recognize they are drunk because they do not know their limits). Went to another bar with a great name Madame's Organ (in the Adams Morgan quarter), they had live music which was wonderful. Martin got totally trashed and we finally ended the night at around 3am, with my feet again screaming. God I havent walked this much in a long time. And I am sure that the theme about my feet is not going to end in my posts till I leave DC.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Well I woke up and totally ditched class. I am such a good grad student. Good thing it was my yank-me class. I packed up and headed out to the car to road trip to DC. Got there hung out a bit. Missed out on meeting up with Jayne, it was sad. I really would have loved to see her, but more importantly I wouldnt have been stuck out with Jen. The honeymoon is over and well I swear if I spend more than 5 seconds with her alone I am going to loose all of the restraint I am fighting to maintain.

This in combination with my feet made me want to commit suicide. I was smart, well half smart. I bought this great new pair of shoes that really arent all together uncomfortable. But I walked all over the town in my new pair of pointy high heels. My poor feet. I walked all over in them, having forgot to cut the pinky toe nail and pointy toes helped push the nails into digging into flesh- not a good feeling.

Came home from that outing and went out with my buds. Dan's brother showed up. In most ways the "kid" is a little Dan. Which in most ways is kind of humorous. He was more than drunk, but at least he was a nice drunk. He tried to put $100 in my pocket and well whispered to me with his tounge precariously close to my inner ear canal that I was precious. Dont know how much he will remember of the evening but I returned to the hotel to sleep with my dignity in tact- Alone.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

It was a day of excitement. First I woke up and worked on my exam for my midterm in our welfare class It is primarily organizing the regurgitation of class notes to be honest. Prof is making sure were were awake not that we can be analytical.

I then I took a break and headed with Shanna to eat lunch. She was visiting and I havent seen her since Italy. I also was killing two birds with one stone as we went to the mall (I need clothes for the DC trip). We ate at a restaurant in the mall and had a very flirty waiter. He was quite cute and had this wonderful english/aussie accent (it was a meld from having lived in both places). Some how by the end of dinner Shanna had convinced me to leave him my phone number. Do not let the girls mormon exterior fool you freinds she is a horrible influence. Oh well I havent ever done it before so what did I have to loose (that and I bolted once paid).

I shopped for the last DC outfit I needed. Of course it would be the irony of finally getting my things shipped to me that they would arrive while I was gone. Oh well I am most likely going to be a bad girl and return them once I get back anyways. I know its evil but I am poor and basically clothesless.

I came home worked more on my exam missed class and then went out to Goldies with those in the program who did go to class.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Really as far as the Monday trend is going, well it is consistent. It was another annoying day to be honest. I am avoiding most things as I know I will be heading to DC on Wednesday.

I am just buying my time. Must figure out something more interesting to do with my Monday entries than whinge and bitch.... anny suggestions? Here is your chance- comment and I will listen.

Monday, October 20, 2003

I barely did anything today. For the love of god why can I dont get my ass is gear sometimes?? Ok well I watched Sex in the City, got through almost one chapter (of the 8 I need to read). And yes yes, I went running- my big thing of the day. Actually quite impressive given my propensity against movement and also doing so alone.

I have also become obsessive. Last night I went and bought a scale. I may weigh less but I jiggle, and that combo does not make for a happy Tink. So I am now able to see what I weigh at all times, I am not sure that is a good thing I had basically gone a month with out knowing and now well it is novel to have a scale. And quite pleasing, if I werent shaking in places that I shouldnt.

Watched more of the evil box that saps all time and energy with a Fosse special. I sooooooo wish I were somewhere I could take a lot of really good dance classes all the time. Ugh.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

It has been an ok day. I am tired but that seems to be the way of life now. I am jiggly and there are mean people in my life who make fun of me and they call themselves friends. I went to work out for 45 minutes because of that. Also bought a scale and if it works accurately my weight is going down. Must start working out and toning some of it. Yes yes I realize I am not over weight or really that jiggly but I jiggle when I have never jiggled before and that well that was my Ah-Ha moment of the year.

Ok I have to whinge. I have a roomate that REALLY doesnt get it. She is a very sweet person, but the small things are grating my nerves. The honeymoon is over in the apartment. Honestly she is the epitomy of tacky. We are living in a Hallmark appartment thanks to her obsession with Halloween. I came home tonight with Cecily and screamed not in fear but in horror at the spider she had jerry-rigged with string to drop on you when you entered through the front door tonight. Enough is enough. She isnt really good at dressing herself (she needs What Not to Wear more than I do and that says a lot). But she really does odd things, like I am watching TV in the main room as background and reading so she goes into her room and blasts the radio louder than the TV. She also talks on the phone louder than the radio playing, mind you this is while she is in another room from said radio with the door shut between these two doors. Now I love listening to the radio and I dance around like no one is watching, but this is one step too far. I know I am sure I can be annoying but I am living in the sorority house here and its driving me crazy. I moved out of that place for a reason!

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

I have felt like shit all this afternoon. I really hate dealing with issues of finanicial loss. I hate when I have been forced into situations that are not in my control and lose. I am not a good loser.
I am selling my car but my pocketbook is being raped. I am resigned to this fact and I have no choice but I am trashing myself over it. it is the last decision in which my mother will have had influence but is sucks. it is done and over and I am going more in debt. another terror trigger (thanks mom) for my grad school cause of it. ARGHHHH
Yes if you havent figured it out yet I am a basket case


Oh and for some reason my sidebar has moved to the bottom of the blog. I dont know why, if anyone who reads this does, please tell me I would like to have it as my sidebar again.
Oh and if anyone knows how to put space inbetween the two posts for today with my comments box not running on top of things that would be great too.

God I love playing with code and having none of it work

Ok so I ditched class this morning to play hookie. Yes you can read that as my body did not get me moving early enough. I didnt wake up late, I just didnt comprehend that I should leave early. Instead I took my time, took a long shower, did some reading and started my laundry.

Also so that I didnt miss the bus I headed into class early. I really like my Welfare-State class. When one of my friends- Riley, asked what I was doing for my classes and told him the topics of my papers for this quarter, and my pleasure reading book is Madeleine Albright's Memoirs I was reminded how much of a geek I am. Well it is interesting to me. Riley told me he was sure that I scored REAL HIGH on the Geek Scale. So I feel all better. I am cool damn it!

Mostly after class I had a paranoid afternoon. Megan bless her heart listend to me and my psychoses. I missed Cecily on the way out from class so I took the bus home. Since it seems I am alone, not sure what is going on I am hopeful I might get more reading done. I liked being in class today and having done my readings. It was a novel feeling. And having the apartment to myself in some silence is pretty cool too. I felt really bad I finally caved and sent a good friend a bitchy email for not holding up his half of a bargain. Turns out he was in an accident. One more reason to feel like shit. He is fine and I feel like an ass.

Anyways it is a good day as Riley- the man I am currently worshipping- went to my storage unit today. He has my things. I am so thrilled right now!!! I am going to get my stuff. I can quit playing single white female character and wearing all of my roommates clothes. I will have my books!!! It looks like it is going to happen this time and I am thrilled.

Ok I have spent way too much time on the internet tonight. The internet is a great thing but it leads to me being counterproductive more than productive.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Happy Monday. Well not really but its a Monday.

I woke up in time for the good for nothing class. I am not waking up as easily as early. Sure sign my body is not adjusting like I would want it to. I like the less sleep wake up earlier idea. Oh well.

Got my midterm back. Didnt do bad by any means, but I wrote almost the same thing as my roommate who is in the class did on two of the answers and she got two more points than I did. Will have to talk with the prof. Really I didnt learn anything and honestly dont care, I just want an H. Yes that is a grade here. they have a screwy system that is screwing me- you get either an H, P, or L- high pass or low. Well you could be the highest P or the lowest P and they are treated the same. I need a good grade record and this one well doesnt really reflect anything. As long as I can get an H in that class though for it I dont care.

I went to the library inbetween to read, a book that is just simple common sense. The book is called Not Like Us. Nope guys the Europeans are not like us! You think??? I do not get my Monday afternoon class either, so Monday is kind of a bitch day. I hate having classes I dont get, especially ones that have potential. Two classes where the prof. cant seem to make a coherent thread for the class to follow nor directions for me to figure out what is supposed to be important. GAH!

Oh well after class we all came home (we being the three roomates). I wanted to go with Cecily over to Martin's and watch the game but I have a presentation this Thursday for my favorite class and a Prof. I need to impress. So no room for error or not reading.

Also it is kind of hard to tell what is going on with people. Cecily and I are friends, but no one from the group really calls me to invite me (partial result from having all the issues with my cell in the beginning). They call Cecily and by default get me. But me being paranoid, slightly socially insecure at times, and not having known people for that long, wonders if they want me there or not. This is something indicative of my whole situation here in Chapel Hill- being dependant on others and not being sure about anything. It sucks. And since I didnt get a direct invitation I stayed home.

I proceeded to avoid my readings and made a few phone calls. Caught up with some friends and family. And then read until I crashed somewhere around 1:30. Guess the body is going to get me more sleep after all.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Well not much went on. I woke up at a decent hour- I really am amazed by this. I read, I read and I read some more.

Cecily invited me running and since it was a nice hot sunny day and I had my a-ha moment at Grabalon (went to do my infamous Shakira hips and shit was shaking in places I have never shook before. The body may look fine but shaking, that is completely unacceptable. No more need to light a flame under my ass to work out) I accepted. I hadnt been running in longer than I want to admit but running I went. After I went running I decided to stretch a bunch. I am would tighter than I can remember and being that part of my self-identity is my gumby girl characteristics I set about that. I am going to feel it tomorrow there is no doubt about that.

There was a bit of commotion in the evening. It seems that Martin finally got fed up and broke it off with his girlfriend. Yippee all men can have faith now if some twat of a girl takes your balls to wear them around her neck, the cajones can grow back. Martin was in rare form, I feel bad as I know what it is like to break things off, and am sure some of the joy is real and some of it is covering the pain. Also since it reminded me of me and Matt, it was a bit uncomfortable. None of us liked her and with the break up we could say that. With all the trash we talked it is uncomfortable to think what might have been said about me after Matt and I broke up.

Anyways they left, Cecily Dan and I took a walk. When we got back he performed a lovely concert for us with his guitar. After which I headed home and being that I have completely shifted my schedule I sat and read some more before crashing at about 2am.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Again I woke up early amazingly enough. I dont know why but my body did it so I went with it. I got a small amount of reading done and then got onto the internet. The internet is satan's spawn. Unfortunately I love satan.

I went shopping instead of reading and am on a spending spree high. I bought clothes and got them all on sale. I now have some clothes. I love the Banana Republic. I was on such an excited high. Poor Cecily was all drained and needed coffee to get through me I wasn on an expenditure high.

I dont have much but I have something which in light of my disappointment that my friend couldnt get my stuff today made me happy. I also went and got a long overdue bikini wax and was thrilled. This might sound foreign to others but for me it was happiness.

We came home and even though it was supposed to be a girls beautification evening we were convinced to take one for the team (Things arent going well with martin and teh hissing girlfriend, so we were supposed to be reinforcements). We went out for drinks at West End Wine Bar. Had a good evening, it was nice to see Curtis and Akasemi, and it was pretty relaxing on the whole. Plus I love wine.

Of course, I spilt red wine on the white pants I had purchased today and wanted to "return." I bought them because I like them and needed that amount to get the discount. But they were teh regular length (ie WAY too long- had to wear 4 inch heels and they still were too close to the ground for my liking) so I needed to order a petite. If that made any sense.

So we left the bar- way way later than we had pacted to, but well what are you going to do. Afterwards we headed straight to the grocery store to get stain remover. At the grocery store we picked up a hitchiker- ok well kind of hitchhiker, lady had a broken down car and was trying to get a ride home. Hitchiker sounds more adventurous though and neither of us had done anything like that.

We got lost coming back and sense I was missing my compas and directional sense of up from down (no not drunk, though I had four glasses in about 2.5 hours). I have no clue of what is North around here and the water well it is no longer really West. Got home and talked for a while and well next thing you know it is another night of going out and up till 5 am. Have done that three nights in a row. I am living the life of a Rock Star.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

I am such a bad grad student. Bad grad student bad grad student!

Why cant I find the balance between geek and party girl? Some how managed to wake up and get to class. As I have bitched most of this semester though my first MWF class is not worth shit.

Anyways I called the Consulado- fuckers. All I am trying to do is do what the law says I can do. I am really agitated that I cant get a straight answer out of them. Diplomatic services suck! I called 3 different ones trying to get an answer with none of them listening to me, none of them giving me the same information and none of them answering my FECKING question. Why oh why must I bang my head on every wall that exists. Does this kind of shit happent to any one else, no Tink just you.

After my intense agitation died down some I went to the lecture with Dieter. It reminded me one more time for just one more reason that I really wish I had taken his class instead of my MWF fuck off class. Afterwards I met up with Dieter for coffee to talk about securing affiliation with COE. I believe I have secured affiliation, so that is a good thing and I have made a decent connection.

Following the meeting I went to the book store to spend more money, cause books are my friends- with one book that has to be returned because it is new and it is falling apart. I didnt pay $51.95 of my good hard loan money for that. I made a really long to do and reading list- all great things not to accomplish.

I went to the library for a bit and accomplished a bit more of nothing- the internet is a dangerous thing. Hopped home, and came back to go see an Iranian movie with Cecily, Dan and Maryam (who is awesome). It was an interesting movie about a women in a quasi-documentary form who was in Tehran. Kind of an interesting perspective on what life is like there for women and not at all what I had expected to be honest, much less restrictive in some odd ways. But it was not a complete picture and still had some chilling reminders about issues pertaining to gender in Iran.

After the movie we followed Maryam and Dan to Julia's "Austria" party. It was a party full of all sorts of German/Austrian things I cant spell. Julia went all out on the cooking (wienerschnitzel- spelling??, some bread thing, affelsomething-or-other, and a coleslaw thingy-ma-bob). Oh yeah and it wouldnt be a good Austrian party witout everyone bringing beer. On the whole it was a lot of fun and enjoyable.

Well enjoyable for most of us. Martin brought his girlfriend. And there was a bit of tension. It was like there were two people in the room who none of us knew. It reminded me a bit of myself and Matt at the end. And it was just painful to watch. His girlfriend said things that I just didnt know how to respond to (like I had to wait for him to walk me to the subway stop a block away- you live in Queens, what do you do when he is not there? I do not have a clue what to do with women like her)

There was also bit of drama with regards to a bit of "undercover interactions" that had been going on. And friends finally came clear about what I had known all along. Part of the dynamic of this group is that there are some who are gossips and it is annoying but reality has hit on the characters of some people.

Oh yeah and after getting home at about 2:30am Cecily and I didnt get to bed till almost 5 am. Hey I am a Spaniard after all no matter what the fucked up embassy says. I am working on a Spanish clock and doing just fine.

Friday, October 10, 2003

It is a non descript kind of Thursday. I had the morning off from my audit class- which was kind of odd. And I missed the bus I was supposed to take so I ran in late to my favorite class. Ok well, not much I can do about that. Class went fine anyways.

After class Cecily and I headed home for a while to relax a bit and then went to see a movie with Dan. We went to the mall first and were dragged by the magnetic force called Banana Republic- who was having a GREAT sale. I resisted, for today. After getting Dan some food, we went to see School of Rock. Ok it was Dan's choice, I am wanted to go out (me succombing to peer pressure to be a part of the group) so I did. I am honestly not a Jack Black fan. The movie wasnt as bad as I expected so it can be considered a success overall.

After the movie we all met up with Becky and Martin at Goldies (the other grad school hang out) to watch the last bit of the Boston/NY game. Low key but Martin wanted to rachet it up a notch so we headed over to Avalon (or Grabalon as we girls called it). Grabalon is a $10 cover free drinks once you get in (out of keg cups that is) college skank get your grind on kind of place. Not bad if you want to be molested, and an ok DJ. Hopefully I sweated off a few ounces, but felt out of place as I was dressed in my class clothes since I hadnt intended on going clubbing.

Afterwards we dropped Becky and Martin off and then went to Dan's to do nothing for a while. We chatted a bit and really beyond that ummm... not much. Dan made him and Cecily an omlette and otherwise like I said not much. Finally got home and to bed by 4:45 am. This schedule is soooooo not good.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Ok I am back entering this week (school and partying carried me away), and I cant remember anything memorable other than I went to class for Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. So, I am going to put in some of my favorite quotes I have gleaned from one of my favorite sources recently. The Thorntree WT Newsletter.

When life hands you lemons, grab the salt and pass the tequila!

I think i want to copy this epitaph for my tombstone: she came, she saw, she drank the bar dry, and then she danced on it.

And the all time favorite with a great image to go with it, reminding me it is all about perspective:
To a worm a plate of spaghetti looks like an orgy.
That one is just great!

Monday, October 06, 2003

It is a philosophical day...

I'm beginning to realize that the true babysteps of life are not easy. They aren't steady, they aren't consistent, and sometimes it's easier to just drop down and crawl than try to walk any farther. And quite often I can I get frustrated, because "life" gets in my way. We have well established that I am not exactly one of those really good "going with the flow" people.

Megan has got to be one of the most genuinely sweet people who is just well perfect. She couldnt hurt a fly, she is trustworthy, she wouldnt say a bad thing about a single person she is all in all an absolute sweetheart- that is just who cherubically she is. Yesterday she gave me the best support I could ever ask for that truly touched me. I dont think she recognized how much it meant to me because to her it wasnt anything big. It may sound silly but its not. She not only recognized I had thought through the direction I was trying to point my life in, but she also stated with out hesitation that she knew I could do it.

I am fairly secure in the decisions I have made for where I want to take my life. Everyday though I question my ability to actually do it. I am most certainly my harshest critic, with out a doubt. Having someone outside you, and someone who isnt tyring to say something just to make you happy, tell you that it is in and that you can do it meant more to me than I can express. It may not be easy and it isn’t all self-helpy to admit. However, having someone else believe in you can help spur yourself to believe in you. The "fake it till you make it" comment comes to mind

And I guess being sappy today all I want to say is thank you in advance to all the Megan's for setting the example, for continuing to hold my hands and encourage me, even when all I can do is drop and crawl after a couple of steps.
Ok I now know what kind of memories it would be worth. I have spent most of the day in the library. You know I really am getting tired of some of these readings. It should not make my head LITERALLY hurt to try and figure out what the f*ck is your point! I have the worlds easiest midterm tomorrow. It is kind of nice to have an easy midterm but it is annoying to feel like I am not learning. Especially when I know that there is a better class I could have taken that would have stretched me even though it isn’t my primary interest. Utterly frustrating given that the class I am referring to doesn’t have to be this way, and honestly is so not reflective of what it is portrayed to be. I am stuck now though, and there is nothing I can do.

So I read inane readings that have no point. And then I go to my political philosophy or not… what ever that shit is that we are reading. I don’t say this often- so you know it really means something (in general I am a socialist leftie- I know you all hate me, and I really don’t like the NRA at any time) but I thank the NRA for reserving my right to own a gun. Now if I can find the address for a James Kloppenberg I am going to shoot him- putting lots of little and big holes in the twat, the Prof that assigned him (she is nice but this is torture), then Becky and Cecily (they asked me too), and then myself. No one should have to read that pointless or repetitive simple pointed shit. Let alone 60 pages of its convoluted prattle.

Otherwise I have been lead on again by my (not so) dear friend Tyler… here I am thinking he is going to go to my storage unit today so he can ship me my things. I hate to be the consumeristic one but I want my things damn it. They mean something to me, and well I don’t want to have to buy all new books and clothes. It is one thing to be a tease but to work me up and well then nothing, I don’t know what kind of consumerist blue balls this is but I do not like it in the least. I need my things and I need them now. This is not funny anymore. I am really sad.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Today as a whole ROCKS. Oktoberfest was one of the better ideas that we have had in a LONG time. I woke up pretty late (for me) and headed over to the party at around 1:30, fashionably late but not the last one there by any means. It was a great party. I am not a big beer or brat person but the atmosphere was enjoyed by all.

We were all there as a big group for the better part of the midday. As the afternoon waned on it was the core group of us that hung around. I am really glad to have jelled with people. It was a wonderfully drunken event, and to be honest when the inhibitions went down trou hit the floor. We had fun in the sun playing football and frisbee and laughing an extraordinary amount. After which we went inside and talked a bunch. Had some heated moments with Dan, thank goodness I respect the boy. He has a great sense of humor though and well I admire immensely his willingness to continually put himself out there. He is also a LOT more fun when all inhibitions are removed as he was quite drunk there for a while.

We played truth or dare. Where we were able to find out things about our fellow “Tammies” and well Dan really did drop trou. Becky dared him to streak (alla Old School- bring your green hat...) and while I didn’t see it all, no full monty for anyone but Becky, but I got a flying caped view of Dan’s ass as he streaked all the way to the light. That man is well… indescribable, and yet just so damn loveable. It was a wonderful evening, completely enjoyable and great bonding, should have gotten some reading done but what kind of memories would that be worth??

Saturday, October 04, 2003

I woke up and went to the communications class. I don’t know if it is my personality or my field of study that propels me to my frustration with this class. It (and the text) are the weakest constructed entities that I have encountered in my entire collegiate existence. There is not formulating concepts, no centering arguments and no fecking points! ARGH.

Went to a “voluntary” lecture (i.e. they didn’t get people for this Friday until the last second and it was a local so we didn’t have to go if we didn’t want to but they had free mediocre pizza). Went anyways. It was ok, I agreed with the perspective and opinions presented but it was a highly simplistic point of view (on the issues of trans-atlantic relations and Iraq) and almost as if it were directed at undergraduates. I could be just having high expectations of the level of interaction once you make that step but it would be nice to be on that higher level, and not to be shunted aside as a secondary thought when we do have these intereactions. They are bringing in great people, let us get out our questions, let us interact, let us be able to network some rather than using the pretense of getting them here as your own vehicle for your own benefit at our cost.

Cecily and I went to the library- yes we are the Queens of grad school geeks: at a library actually reading on a Friday night, yeah baby we closed out the place... not so impressive but hey it is my claim. We decided to take a middle of the studying break. We also decided to get surprise treats, after school supply shopping. The tabs keep adding up. So we went to Whole Foods- my favorite grocery store in the world: ESPECIALLY the Seattle one, have I told any of you how spoiled life is there?? Well only I the elitest grad student would be getting prosciutto and montegrappa cheese for my snack along with a lemon tartlet. We brought back other treats along those lines and were well welcomed by the rest of the clan (Dan, Becky and Martin- henceforth referred to as the triumvirate). We went back to hangout headquarters when the library closed. We all watched Road Trip- the raucous and ranchy camp remake with a twist. After which we all headed home like good boys and girls to crash.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

I got my cell phone back I got my cell phone back I got my cell phone back!!!!

Can you tell how excited I am. Well if you cant let me assure you I was not only bouncing off the walls, I took the "How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb- Wanna ride bikes" joke to new heights. Everyone should call me and make me feel loved. Actually I got a call from one of my dearest friends and it was great to catch up and just talk. And yes I can talk and talk and talk if you couldnt guess. Anyways I now have a means of contact and when you have gone with out it can be alot more exciting than one might think.

I also seemingly cant avoid Scandinavia as I went to a presentation given by the Swedish Ambassador to the US. And of course because I know Scando things (thank you Christine) when I asked a question both him and the new local Consulate General singled me out. Oh well maybe I can make something of it??

Ok I have to let it out. I live with a crazy woman. Since we already know I am crazy and embrace my fellow crazies, you know that means something. Honestly, I have the great roomates. One and I are really alike (same size- yes thank you for letting me borrow your clothes) , the other well she is nutso sometimes. Last night as my same sized roomate was coming in from her car she thought there was a domestic dispute going on. We live on the third floor she could hear our roomate yelling at the football (american collegiate that is) game on TV across the lot, and could feel the shaking from her jumping and pounding about from the moment she got on the stairs. Said roomate had been doing this for 30 minutes. She has this really bad obsession and I am positive she needs help. If she doesnt I do cause I cant get any reading done when she goes off like that and I am going to loose it if I cant get caught up.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Interesting day today was. It is days like today when I remember that I am mildly ADHD- my mind moves from random topics with such speed that well I am sure it must be entertaining to try and follow me sometimes.

Actually at some point I will need to go back and try to clean up some through the blog, the question is when. I have promised I wont edit for content just well ... not for grammar but maybe insert some spaces and spellings or something. I just cut and paste a bunch of stuff in to get it up and running. It is running and I am proud to say I have inserted comments (thank you Hossein), so you can all now have running commentaries on my life. Great, what the hell was I thinking inserting comments??

Oh well today after classes- which went well, we all went and watched a kind of documentary on the fall of the Berlin Wall. After which we went out for drinks. Lucy's seems to be our hang out of choice, kind of like a grad school cheers- they all know our names (our drinks and maybe might even memorize our card numbers too by the end of the semester). It was nice to go out with the Prof. He is a great guy, interesting, intellegent and hysterical (with out intending to be) all wrapped in one.

If I dont watch out though I am going to crash out soon. I may be the one odd grad student out there who wants to do all of her reading but that is me, and I am getting behind. Guess that means its time to boot off and go read- I used to like reading...

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